


Needful Things

by Merzibelle



Series: Collective Dreaming [7]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 03:57:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merzibelle/pseuds/Merzibelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For months, or perhaps years, Ianto has been bottling up his feelings in order to remain focused and in control. Now, he finds he needs to lose that very same control in order to actually release his emotions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Needful Things

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: All of Torchwood Season 1 & Season 2
> 
> Disclaimer: Torchwood is ©2006-2009 British Broadcasting Service Wales (BBC Wales). Copyrighted material is used without permission of the BBC with no intention of profit from the works contained herein.
> 
> Original Publication/Copyright: 14 September 2009

 

_Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. – Swedish Proverb_

**Prologue**

Jack leant on the gantry and watched Ianto pace the downstairs. The younger man was so tense his own back ached in sympathy. From the set of shoulders to the stiff straight-backed way he was walking, every inch of Ianto telegraphed his frustration. Every time, Ianto got close to Toshiko, he’d set his jaw and rub at his temples; however, each time Jack tried to help his mate by reinforcing the other man’s shields, he was almost violently shoved out of Ianto’s head. There were dark circles around those blue eyes Jack so adored, physical signs of Ianto’s inability to sleep through the night. And those very same eyes were once again shadowed, dark shades Jack thought long banished returning to darken their stormy blue.

“He’s going to snap,” Owen murmured from beside him. “I’d sedate him, but…”

“It wouldn’t help,” Jack replied, shifting to rest his forearms on the gantry rail and clasp his hands over the open space beyond. “He’d just be even angrier when he wakes up.”

“Anything you can do?”

Jack shook his head. He sighed softly as Ianto followed Kate down into autopsy. “There are things I can do,” he started, weighing his words carefully. “But I have to wait for him to ask me for them. I do otherwise.” He shrugged. “It’s essentially abusing him and our relationship.”

“Oi!” Owen snapped, pointing a finger at Jack. “I don’t need to know anything about your ‘avant garde’ sex life. I hear enough about it from Kate.” Owen laughed softly. “Part of why I’m cornering you, you really need to let that bite heal. Kate’s concerned about it.”

“I know,” Jack smirked, tilting his head to consider Owen. “I know I do, but he…” Jack trailed off with a shake of his head. “It’s too complicated to explain, Owen.”

“Look, we all talked about it. We’ll cover the Hub tonight while you sort him out.” Owen held up a hand forestalling Jack’s intended reply. “Yes, I know, it’s New Years. Getting the commander sorted out is a bit more important than spending a night being all cuddling couple. Besides, Ianto will let us use the flat here. So Kate and I will be fine. Tosh will be here, too.”

“And Tommy?” Jack asked softly. He knew the other couple was in the middle of mediation of their divorce proceedings in an attempt to keep Ianto out of it and rework the petition. “Is he staying as well?”

“No, he, Rhys and Andy are moving him out of the house and into a flat on Ninian Road. A few blocks down from you.”

“What about Rhys’s kids?” Jack asked with a faint grin as Misha went running for the autopsy room.

“At their grandparents,” Owen replied. “All you need to do is get Misha settled some place for the night, then get Ianto to relax before…”

“Jack! My office!” Ianto’s voice cut across the conversation. Both men looked at each other before turning to watch Ianto stalk determinedly across the lower level and into the office. After a moment, he leant back out the door, glared up at Jack, and snapped, “Now!”

Jack threw an apologetic look at Owen before bounding off down the stairs for the lower level. Passing Tosh, he paused to squeeze her shoulder in reassurance. He stepped into the office, shut the door, and leant back against it. He considered Ianto for a moment. Pain, anger, and self-disgust flowed from his mate where Ianto rested against the desk, his head bowed as he considered something in the drawer to one side of him. “From the yelling, I take it you don’t want to see me for a quick shag?”

“I almost hit Misha,” Ianto murmured in response. He straightened, slowly, as if he was trapped in syrup, and pulled something from the drawer which he kept hidden from Jack. “All she wanted was for me to know she’d completed the latest puzzle the Tardis had given her. She even apologised for interrupting the conversation, but I still wanted to hit her.”

Ianto tilted his head. The self-loathing look in Ianto’s eyes tore at Jack’s heart. He started to reply, even had opened his lips to speak, when Ianto shook his head, cutting him off.

“I’m giving you the afternoon off, Jack,” Ianto said. His speech was measured, careful and painfully controlled. “You’ll need to figure out where Misha can stay. I’m certain you won’t want her at home.” Ianto’s eyes dropped from his and Jack had an inkling what was going to happen next so he wasn’t completely surprised when the younger man silently offered him the deep brown and brass collar which had been such an important component of their occasional dominance play.

“Are you certain?” Jack needed to be certain. With everything else that was now a part of them, he had to be positive that Ianto wanted and needed this from him before he could take the collar from him, a silent acknowledgement and acceptance of the request. “ _Cariad,_ we could talk…”

“I can’t.” Ianto looked up, desperation and misery haunting his eyes, and took a step closer to Jack. “I _can’t_ talk about it, Jack. You know why as well.” He licked his lower lip, sucked it between his teeth for a moment, and then released it. “I trust you, Jack. Please, just…”

Ianto extended the collar again and this time Jack took it. He curled his fingers around the leather, but took a moment to deliberately brush his fingers over Ianto’s palm. “I’ll send Misha to stay with the Doctor,” he said, turning away to reach for his coat. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to feel it taken from his grasp, so he shifted a bit to allow Ianto to slide the coat over his shoulders. Jack tucked the collar into a pocket, turned and considered Ianto for a long moment before he reached out, cupped Ianto’s cheek in his palm and kissed him gently. “I’ll expect you home at six,” Jack said, a hint of steel entering his voice

“Yes, sir,” Ianto murmured, stepping back and dropping his eyes for a moment. Then he looked up, already Jack could see some of the shadows easing in Ianto’s eyes, but not the tension that held Ianto so stiff. They shared a momentary smile before Jack turned and left the office, his mind already whirling with the things needing to be done before Ianto returned to the house.

**Chapter One**

Ianto rested his forehead against the tiled wall of the shower. The water beat down on him, massaging the aches in his back, but it couldn’t stop the swirling voices in his head. He struggled to relax, to let go, but that just made the voices that much louder. His own mind berated him about how he should never have reintroduced Tommy and Tosh, he should never have trusted Michal, and how Misha’s poisoning was his own fault for not following his instincts. Over and over, the words repeated, until one voice overrode all the others. It was the voice from his darkest childhood memories. The voice of the man who’d raised him telling him he wasn’t good enough, would never be good enough, that he was just a waste of space and the reason his mother was so pathetic.

Dragging in a hitching breath, Ianto forced all of that away in favor of what he’d been told to do. _Go take a shower and get ready for me_ , Jack’s words spoken in that firm tone eased his mind. He didn’t have to think of anything but what Jack wanted of him. Ianto straightened away from the wall and reached for the shower gel. One step at a time, that was easiest. Shower first, then the rest.

Closing his eyes, Ianto ducked beneath the cascading water to wash his hair. If there was one thing he truly loved about the remodel of the house Jack had undertaken, it was their new en-suite bathroom. From the corner Jacuzzi tub to this massive two-person steam shower, it was all decadent luxury. Heaving a sigh, Ianto reached out to flip the shower over into steam room mode, rummaged about in the bath supplies for the lube they kept in the shower, and took a seat on one of the small benches in the shower.

_“Don’t keep me waiting,”_ Jack’s voice ghosted across his mind.

Ianto shivered at the velvet over steel tones. He wanted to do what was asked of him, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t give up the control. He leant back against the wall, closed his eyes again, and swallowed. _“I can’t,_ ” he whispered across their bond. _“Jack, please.”_ There was a distinct beep as all the water in the room shut off and the automatic ion cleaning system activated to clear all the steam and water from the unit. Ianto blinked in shock and then gasped, startled as Jack opened the glass door.

“Out,” Jack ordered, pointing to a spot by the vanity. “Now.”

“Jack…”

“Don’t make me come in there after you, Ianto.”

Ianto blinked again, but nodded and rose to his feet. When Jack held a hand out to him, he placed the bottle of lube in it before crossing the room to stand by the vanity. “Jack,” he whined, only to yelp when Jack slapped his arse.

“You know better than that.” Jack’s soft growl sent a shiver down his spine. A towel was tossed onto the counter beside him. “Dry off.”

“Yes, sir,” Ianto murmured. He grabbed up the towel, paused to meet Jack’s gaze in the mirror before him, and immediately dropped his gaze again at the stern look on his husband’s face. Briskly, he set to work, his ears picking up every shift of Jack’s weight, the faint sound of the other man’s nails as they tapped on Jack’s wristband. Folding the towel, he turned to put it on the rail only to freeze in place when Jack whipped the collar around his neck using the thick leather to hold him in place. “Sir?”

“You remember the rules?” Jack demanded.

“Yes, sir,” Ianto murmured back. He vividly remembered the rules, including the one he’d already broken even if they hadn’t officially started playing yet. “I remember them.”

“Your safe word,” Jack ordered. “Say it now.”

“ _Trugaredd_ , sir,” he whispered, swallowing hard once, and bowed his head. It was their signal, his consent given by answering the order with his safe word and moving to make it easier for Jack to buckle the collar into place. Ianto swallowed again. He needed this, he knew he did, but it didn’t make it any easier for him to give up the strict control he’d learnt over the last two years.

“Put the towel up,” Jack ordered. He wasn’t happy. Not in the least was he happy. Oh, he’d known there would be problems, but he wasn’t expecting them to start before they’d even begun the evening. Strangely enough, even though he was unhappy, he wasn’t angry with Ianto. Somehow, he’d known his mate would push him to completely take control from him. He watched Ianto put the towel on the warmer, meticulously straighten it, before turning back to face him. “Rest your hands on the vanity, bend forward, arse out,” he ordered. Jack waited for Ianto to assume the position, adjusted it a bit, and then ran a hand down Ianto’s spine. “Wait here, do not move.”

“Yes, sir,” Ianto’s reply was a bit breathless.

Jack smiled, considered his lover, and stalked out of the en-suite to the bedroom. Just a little bit of modification to the original plan, but not an unanticipated change. Gathering up the items he needed, Jack returned to the bathroom and Ianto. He set the items he carried on the vanity, watched with a smile as Ianto’s eyes widened at the sight of the plug, and again stroked his hand down Ianto’s back before lifting it and slapping Ianto’s arse.

“Count, Ianto,” Jack ordered. “You’re getting ten, but only the ten you count.” Again, he raised his hand, bringing it down hard on Ianto’s arse. He took a bit of perverse delight in the startled cry that came from Ianto before he gasped out, “one.”

For the next several minutes there were no sounds in the room other than Ianto’s gasped counting and the slap of Jack’s hand on his arse. By the time Ianto half-sobbed out the final number, both men were breathing hard from arousal. Jack stroked his palm over Ianto’s arse, humming softly, and leant down to press a kiss to the back of Ianto’s neck just above the collar. “You look lovely like this,” Jack whispered. “Flushed, panting, skin reddened from spanking.” He stroked again, trailing his fingers lower to briefly cup Ianto’s balls, rolling them between his fingers, before reversing course. Jack teased Ianto’s anus with the tip of one finger while he reached for the lubricant with the other hand. “But we’re not done yet, _anwylyd_.”

Jack slicked his fingers with the lube. He set the bottle aside, rested one hand on Ianto’s back, and pressed a finger into Ianto. The startled cry the move brought from his mate made him chuckle, especially as it quickly shifted into a pleased moan. He stretched Ianto slowly, deftly avoiding Ianto’s prostate, until he was certain the plug would pass without damage into the younger man. Taking his hand off Ianto’s back, Jack reached for the plug while still teasing his mate with his other hand. Ianto was panting, his eyes closed and face flushed as he pressed his hips back onto Jack’s fingers.

Jack pulled his fingers from Ianto’s arse, grabbed the lube and coated the toy before switching it to his other hand. He took a step closer to Ianto, draping his arm across Ianto’s back and clasping his mate’s hip with his dry hand. Jack eased the tip of the plug into Ianto and twisted it, pressing deeper before pulling it out again. He delighted in the soft cries his teasing coaxed from Ianto. Slowly, teasingly, inch by inch, he eased the plug into Ianto’s arse until it was fully seated. Then he grasped the base and turned it, not much, just enough to get a sharp keening cry from his mate. Jack then released the toy, stroked his hand over Ianto’s arse again, and stepped away from him.

“On your back on the bed, _anwylyd_ ,” Jack ordered. He took another step back and watched Ianto swallow twice before he straightened away from the vanity with a gasp. Jack saw the moment Ianto was about to defy him, took a step toward him and slapped him hard on the arse.

“Sir!” Ianto yelped. He glared over his shoulder at Jack. Immediately, another spank landed on his arse. This one shifted the plug, briefly pressing it against his prostate, and Ianto couldn’t help the moan that escaped his throat. Dropping his head, he nodded and started for the bedroom.

Once in the other room, Ianto considered the bed. At some point while he’d been in the shower, Jack had stripped all the bedding but for the fitted sheet off the bed, removed the pillows, and added the long leather straps which could be connected to the cuffs which matched his collar. The cuffs sat on the nightstand beside the bed. Ianto drew in a breath, let it out slowly, and glanced back at Jack again. The stern look on his husband’s face told him far more than words that he’d regret dallying a moment longer.

But a part of him wanted to call it all off, hide his secrets from Jack... For a moment he considered. What secrets? Jack knew them all by now, and what little he didn't know wouldn't shock him. He needed this. He needed to let go or it would all explode and hurt those he loved.

Ianto rested a knee on the bed and crawled onto it. Settling in the middle of the bed, he rolled onto his back and looked over at Jack. He met his husband’s eyes for a moment before he half closed his eyes, peering out at Jack from beneath his lashes. He knew just how much Jack loved it when he looked at him like that.

“ _Anwylyd_ , you are being a little tease,” Jack murmured. He crossed the room, straddled Ianto, and reached for the first of the cuffs. He held out a hand, waiting patiently, and watched all the emotions cross his mate’s face before Ianto placed his hand in Jack’s. Jack wrapped the leather cuff around the pale skin, stroking a finger beneath, and then leant over Ianto to secure the cuff’s d-ring to the strap’s clasp. With the first arm secured, Jack reached for the second cuff. Ianto again delayed in giving him his hand, though the delay this time was noticeably shorter. Again the cuff was wrapped around, checked, and secured to the waiting strap.

Jack decided Ianto deserved a brief reward for the cooperation, leant down and kissed his mate. He teased Ianto with quick strokes of his tongue over the younger man’s before pulling away with a smile. Climbing from the bed, he grabbed the two remaining cuffs. He knelt on the floor, reached for Ianto’s ankle and quickly secured it before circling the bed to secure Ianto’s other leg. Rising, Jack stood at the foot of the bed and surveyed Ianto laid out before him.

“You look delicious like this, _anwylyd_ ,” he murmured. “Splayed out waiting for me, but you keep defying me. I can’t have that.” Jack reached down onto the bench at the foot of the bed, shifted the coverlet seemingly carelessly tossed across it, and lifted a cock ring from beneath. “So, first there’s this,” he grinned as he crawled up the bed. He lifted Ianto’s cock and slipped the ring down until it nestled in the dark curls surrounding the base of Ianto’s cock.

“Sir?” Ianto gasped. His eyes were closed and his head thrown back. “Why?”

“Because you defied me,” Jack replied. Once again he rose to his feet. “I gave you an order. You delayed in obeying it. Now, you get to pay the penalty.” He smirked down at his captive. “Which I, for one, will greatly enjoy.”

**Chapter Two**

Jack stood at the foot of the bed. One by one he undid the buttons of his shirt while he surveyed Ianto. His mate was laid out before him like his own personal all-you-can-eat buffet. Pale, almost translucent skin set off so perfectly by the deep chocolate of the silk sheet and the rich brown leather wrapped around wrists and ankles. Long lashes hid Ianto’s blue eyes, but the way he sucked on his lower lip, all but chewing it between his teeth told of his mate’s frustration. “Stop chewing your lip, _anwylyd_ ,” he growled, pitching his voice low to heighten the tension. “You know I don’t like when you do that.”

A shiver ran over Ianto’s body as his eyes opened to stare up at Jack. He released his lip, slowly, drawing a soft tsk from Jack. “Shall I add that to your punishment?” Jack murmured. He freed his cufflinks and crossed over to the dresser to drop them in the dish kept there for them. Shrugging out of his shirt, he tossed it over the back of the sofa before their fireplace. Jack looked back at Ianto, hiding his smile at the way his mate was arching his neck to watch him move about the room, before he circled the sofa to crouch down for the brandy snifter he’d left on the hearthstone. Rising, he swirled the liquid in the glass as he completed the circuit of the sofa.

Sipping at the drink, he considered Ianto. Even tied to the bed, his mate was defying him, taunting him to dominate him. Jack smirked, straddled Ianto’s belly, and rested his weight on his legs. He swirled the brandy again, slowly tilting the glass until the liquid contained within just reached the edge of the crystal. Jack watched Ianto watch the brandy, his mate’s breathing speeding up the closer the brandy came to the edge of the glass, and tilted his hand the tiny bit needed to cause the alcohol to drip over the edge, rolling down the crystal until it dropped with perfect accuracy onto one of Ianto’s already hard nipples.

Ianto yelped, arched against the bonds which held him, and panted. He stared up at Jack for a moment before returning his gaze to glass. Jack just grinned, moved his arm, and repeated the action on the other nipple. Holding the glass out of the way, he leant down and licked the brandy from Ianto’s skin, humming in his throat, before straightening away and repeating the actions on the other side of Ianto’s chest. Jack considered his mate for a moment. “Tell me something, Ianto,” he murmured, sipping from the glass. “Do you remember what my favorite thing to mix with brandy is?”

“Ah,” Ianto struggled to catch his breath in order to answer. “No, sir.”

“Hmm,” Jack rose, setting the glass on the nightstand, and stripped off the remainder of his clothes, letting them fall wherever on the floor. “I guess I’ll have to remind you then.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jack knelt on the bed between Ianto’s legs. He leant over him, deliberately lowering his body to brush his chest over Ianto’s cock, and grabbed up the glass again. Holding it, he grinned up at Ianto. “Surely you have some idea,” he murmured as he tilted the glass pouring the brandy onto Ianto’s bound cock.

“Oh, God,” Ianto gasped out. His hands fisted in the cuffs as he struggled to stay still.

Twisting, Jack set the glass on the bench behind him. Then, he leant down and licked a slow line up the length of Ianto’s cock tasting aged brandy and the unique flavor of Ianto. Lifting his head, he asked, “Figure it out yet?” Jack didn’t wait for an answer, just leant back down and continued licking Ianto’s cock like it was his favorite ice lolly. Long teasing swipes of his tongue over heated flesh, tasting brandy and Ianto, and listening to Ianto start to whine low in his throat.

The cracks were starting to appear, but weren’t quite deep enough yet. Jack curled the fingers of one hand around Ianto’s cock, stroking the throbbing length slowly, while he slid the other lower, over Ianto’s balls to grasp the base of the plug. He twisted it, pulling it partway out before pressing it back in. Ianto’s startled cry as Jack aimed the plug directly at his prostate drew a grin from Jack. He shifted on his knees so he could see Ianto’s face.

The struggle between Ianto’s need for control and his body’s hunger was plainly written on his face. The way he continually licked his lips and panted for breath while occasionally sucking on his lower lip told of his struggle to keep control of himself. The way Ianto twisted his hands until he could grasp the straps securing him to the bed also told of his inability to give in. His knuckles white where he clung so tightly to the leather. Jack pulled the plug out again, waited, and then pressed it in deep, forcing it directly against Ianto’s prostate and twisting it to keep the pressure up. At the same time, he pressed against Ianto’s shields feeling them give beneath the weight of his mind. Once inside, Jack began to whisper into Ianto’s mind, murmuring all the things he wanted to do to his mate.

“So hot… you’re so damned fuckable, Ianto,” he murmured. “Yet you insist on punishing yourself for things that were never your fault. Can’t fuck you into oblivion when you’re so determined to punish yourself for imagined faults.”

“Jack!” Ianto cried and arched his back, straining against the ties that bound him. “Please! Please fuck me,” he begged.

“No,” he snapped back. He reseated the plug in Ianto’s arse and ran his fingers back up over Ianto’s balls. He teased his fingers along the crease of Ianto’s hip, making certain to stroke the still unhealed bite high on Ianto’s thigh. “I’m in charge, remember?”

“Yes. Yes... just… please!”

Jack just shook his head. He loved to watch Ianto come undone for him. Lose that control of his and beg. It turned him on so much. He could so easily lose his focus on what he needed to do in favor of doing what Ianto wanted, but there was too much at stake for him to give in to the begging yet. There were still wounds to be lanced first.

“Talk to me, Ianto,” he ordered. He fisted Ianto’s cock, keeping him on that very fine edge where pleasure could so easily tip into pain. “I’m here. I’ll never leave you. So tell me. Tell me why you’re punishing yourself.”

“I can’t…” Ianto whined. His head was thrown back. His eyes tightly closed. His voice cracked as he struggled to speak through his panting. “I… Jack, please…”

“Tell me, Ianto,” Jack demanded, shifting his weight and leaning down to run his tongue over the bite mark. “ _Anwylyd,_ tell me.”

“My fault,” Ianto gasped on a breath that was more a sob than pant. “I didn’t listen. Everything told me not to trust her… I did…” He twisted against the bonds again, all but whining before another half-sob escaped him. “She poisoned Misha. She hurt my daughter… me… and I can’t do a damned thing to her.”

“What else?” Jack demanded. He slowed his strokes over Ianto’s cock, easing him back from the edge, and fingered the cock ring. Soon, almost there, yet there were still things that needed to be released. “Let it go, Ianto,” he ordered. “Tell me and let it go.”

“I brought Tommy back…” Another strangled sob came from Ianto. This one was infinitely more painful than the first for Jack to hear. “He hurt Tosh. I wanted her happy, but all I did was set her up to be hurt.”

Jack could feel there was more. Something deeper, a belief so long held it had become a deep part of Ianto’s psyche despite all the harm it was causing him. “Tell me. Just tell me. It’s alright, _anwylyd,_ tell me.” Jack reinforced the order with a mental demand. He sped up his strokes on Ianto’s cock, squeezing the base with one hand to prevent Ianto’s orgasm even as he removed the cock ring. “Tell me, _cariad_. Let it out… whatever it is can’t hurt you… just tell me.”

“I hated her. She left me with him. With his taunts, his demands and constant pushing to be better than everyone,” Ianto sobbed the words, tossing his head back and forth with a wrenching sob. “She left me behind! And I hated her for it even as I loved her!”

“She abandoned you,” Jack murmured. He sped up his strokes on Ianto’s cock. This was the last, the thing that Ianto had punished himself hardest for over the last week. “How could you not hate her?” he asked, twisting his hand to get Ianto teetering on the edge.

“You have to forgive that young boy because she did deserve a little hate, just a little mind, but you have to let it go.” Jack leant down, pressing a kiss to Ianto’s stomach, feeling the muscles ripple beneath the skin. “How can you be angry with that sad little boy...? He was abandoned by everyone who should have protected him..." he whispered the words, pressing another kiss to Ianto’s stomach a bit higher than the first. He continued stroking Ianto’s cock, now timing the strokes with his words. “They were doing their best..." Jack murmured. This time he licked one nipple. Then, the other in turn. “So was he! He was trying to be a good little boy and it wasn't enough.”

“You are nothing like them. You’ll never abandon any child of ours. Misha, Gray, any baby we have together… you never would. You gather your family close and keep them close, _cariad_ ,” Jack spoke softly, yet still loud enough to be heard over Ianto’s half-panting, half-sobbing breaths. “Scream, _m’cariad_ ,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Ianto’s pulse. He nuzzled beneath Ianto’s ear to whisper the last words, “Let the little boy scream all his rage and pain out... and then let him go..." Jack stroked Ianto’s cock one last time, twisting his wrist and rubbing his thumb over the head, long practice telling him just how to tip Ianto over into his long delayed orgasm.

And scream Ianto did. His head thrown back, eyes tightly closed as he arched beneath Jack’s body where it now covered him. He screamed both his orgasm and his pain, the cries echoing in the room long after Ianto had settled back into the bed, sobbing where he twisted his face into Jack’s neck.

Jack moved quickly. Stretching his arms out to unclip Ianto’s wrists from the tethers and pulled him up into his arms. He held his mate against him with one arm while he reached back with the other to unclip Ianto’s ankles. Jack didn’t bother with removing the cuffs. Those could wait while he comforted his husband. Gathering Ianto into his arms, he picked the younger man up, moving them to the sofa before the fireplace, and laid down, settling Ianto against his chest and covering them both with the coverlet off the back of the sofa. “Let it out, Ianto. Everything’s okay now,” he whispered. “Cry it out, _m’cariad._ ”

**Chapter Three**

Jack stroked Ianto’s back, humming their song softly, even as he worried over the depth of the emotional storm washing over him. He’d pushed, pushed hard, and now he was worried. Should he have stopped sooner, not pushed to the point where his long ago childhood traumas spilled out of him. Jack pressed a kiss to the top of Ianto’s head, still humming softly, even as his own mind rebelled against what he’d done.

“Don’t,” Ianto’s voice, cracked and harsh from nearly an hours worth of tears. “I needed that, _m’gwr_.” He lifted his head from Jack’s chest and smiled faintly. “The guilt, for all of it, was driving me insane.”

“Ianto, I shouldn’t have,” Jack began only to be cut off by Ianto’s hand coming up to press against his mouth.

“I. Needed. It,” Ianto repeated slowly. “I couldn’t talk about it. Any of it. And it was eating away at me until I was starting to become like him. The man who raised me.” Ianto paused, slipping his hand down from Jack’s lips to rest it on his husband’s chest. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to not think of him as my father. I never met the man who actually fathered me and Rhia will always be my sister regardless of our actual relationship.” Ianto smiled and toyed with the buckle of one cuff. He lifted his arm and held it out to Jack. “Could you…?”

“Of course.” Jack worked the buckle slowly. He turned the necessary chore into a bit of erotic play. Tugging the leather back, he pulled it free of the brass fitting and buckle. Pulling the cuff away, Jack lifted Ianto’s hand and kissed his mate’s inner wrist, nipping lightly at his pulse. “You’re certain that…” he trailed off and reached for Ianto’s other hand to remove that cuff after he dropped the first onto the hearthstone.

“I’m certain.” Ianto shifted on the sofa so he was sitting up between Jack’s spread legs. The movement shifted the plug still lodged in him. He moaned softly. His eyes closed for a moment before he looked at Jack with a wicked little smile curving his lips. “As much as I needed that release,” Ianto purred, tilting his head toward the bed. “There’s something else I want now.”

“And just what might that be?” Jack asked, sitting up himself in order to remove the ankle cuffs and add them to the growing pile of bondage accoutrements on the floor. He leaned forward to reach behind Ianto for the collar’s buckle more than a bit curious as to what had brought the teasing glint back into Ianto’s eyes. “You’ve got the ‘I’m going to blow your mind’ smile again.”

“This,” Ianto murmured, reaching down to run his fingers over Jack’s aching cock. “I want you to lie back on the sofa. I want to take you deep inside. Feel every inch as I sink down on you, slowly, until we both can’t stand the pleasure. And then I want to ride you, watch you come undone for me.”

“Shit, _cariad,”_ Jack gasped. His fingers shook has he undid the collar and tossed it away. “Why don’t you?”

“Because you forgot to remove something,” Ianto replied. He shifted his legs so he could kneel on the sofa and leaned back on his hands, arching his hips toward Jack and giving him a rueful smile. “It’s in the way, you know.”

Jack dramatically slapped his forehead, dropped his head and shook it. “You are definitely a tease,” he retorted, laughing. He reached out, rested his hands on Ianto’s hips, and rubbed his thumbs in the hollows. “A delicious tease, but a tease nonetheless.”

“Oh, but you love it when I tease.” Ianto rolled his hips toward Jack, moaning again as the motion shifted the plug inside him.

“I love you,” Jack replied with a headshake. He ran his fingers over the bite on Ianto’s thigh while trailing the other down to briefly cup his mate’s balls before slipping them further back to reach the plug. “Do you…?”

“Hmm,” Ianto moaned, more a wordless noise then an actual question. He moved back a bit, resting his back on the arm off the sofa, and rummaged beneath the sofa for the lube. Coating his fingers, he reached out and stroked Jack’s cock, preparing his husband.

“Fuck, Ianto, stop,” Jack gasped out, pulling the plug out as quickly as he dared. “Too damned close.”

“Good thing I’m not waiting then,” Ianto retorted. He sat up, pushed Jack backwards to lie on the sofa, and crawled up his husband’s body. He kissed Jack hungrily, driving his tongue into Jack’s mouth to tangle with the other man’s. Breaking the kiss, he reached back to grasp Jack’s cock, holding it steady as he eased down on it letting his body weight do most of the work of penetration. “You feel so good, Jack.”

“So do you,” Jack panted. He reached out, caught Ianto’s hands in his and giving his mate the needed leverage to start riding him. “Not going to last long.”

“I know… Neither am I…. want to see it…” Ianto set a quick hard rhythm of rise and fall. There was no way either of them would last long. Not now. He met Jack’s gaze, holding his eyes with his own, and groaned hoarsely. “Still mine, Jack?”

“Always.”

Ianto watched as Jack arched backward, baring his neck to Ianto, and growled softly in response. That deep visceral need to own Jack whipped through his mind again. Rising higher with his own desire. Giving in to the need, Ianto leant down and bit Jack, sucking a bit of his husband’s skin into his mouth to worry between his teeth. Jack’s scream of pleasure, the hard buck of his hips and the feel of his husband’s climax as it tore through Ianto’s open mind threw Ianto into his second orgasm of the night. He released Jack’s neck and flung his head back with a hoarse cry of Jack’s name. Ianto collapsed onto Jack’s chest, panting, and barely had enough sense to release Jack’s hands from the tight grip of his own.

Jack’s arms came around him. His hands stroked down Ianto’s back as they both struggled to catch their breath. “Shit, Ianto,” Jack murmured, reaching around to lift Ianto’s chin so he could kiss his mate. “What did you do?”

Ianto chuckled softly. “Didn’t raise my shields, so the orgasm bounced a bit between us.” He could feel himself blushing and ducked his head again. “Should have warned you that might happen, but I…”

“I understand,” Jack whispered. “But we need a shower now.”

Ianto rolled his eyes. “And you always complained about me wanting to clean up right away,” he complained, even as he eased off Jack in preparation of rising to his feet. Then he yawned hard enough to crack his jaw. “Oh…”

“Yeah, I knew you’d crash soon.” Jack rose, tugged Ianto up and started toward the shower. “So, shower first. Then, I tuck you into bed and fetch the brandy to toast the New Year.”

“And a new us. No more shadows, hmm?” Ianto smiled. Then he remembered what Jack had said as he pushed him to reveal his most deeply kept, most guilty secret. “Jack? Did you mean it? What you said about us having a baby?” He watched intent as Jack nodded, a blush darkening his husband’s cheeks. “So, we should practice then.” With renewed energy, Ianto grabbed Jack’s hand and tugged him toward the shower.

**Chapter Four**

“So,” Jack started tentatively. He caught the edge of the bedsheet Ianto threw across to him and bent to straighten it out over the clean fitted sheet Ianto’d already placed on the bed. He knelt to tuck the bottom edge in on his side, peering at Ianto doing the same on his side of the bed. “How’s the matchmaking going?”

“Matchmaking?” Ianto asked as he worked up a crisp military style corner in the sheet. “I’m not matchmaking.”

“So what do you call Andy and Rhys then?”

“Okay, I concede,” Ianto replied, tossing Jack one side of the coverlet. “That’s matchmaking. As near as I can tell, it’s going pretty well.” He took a deep breath. “Once I’m through boxing up the personal stuff, I’m going to rent Michal’s house to Rhys. He needs the space for the kids plus it’ll keep it occupied and in the family.”

“Sounds good.” Jack smoothed a hand over the coverlet. “God, I love this bedding. Toss me the…” He looked up in time to get a mound of the duvet tossed into his face. “Duvet. Thanks, Ianto.”

“Anytime, you hedonist,” Ianto laughed. He settled the duvet at the foot of the bed, ready to be pulled up when they wanted it and reached for the first of the pillows. “Catch.” He tossed a pillow to Jack, grabbed another and waited for Jack to look at him again before throwing it. “I love it, too. May cost a small fortune, but…”

“The feel is worth it.” Jack grinned at him. “And if I’m a hedonist, what’s that make you? You introduced me to this stuff.”

“I am a sensualist,” Ianto intoned with all the seriousness of a butler announcing the Queen. He dropped the façade to grin at Jack. “But you already knew that, Jack.” He tossed another pillow to Jack, shaking his head a bit as he did so. “Why do we have so many pillows?”

“Because we do. It looks nice.” Jack shrugged and added the pillow to the bed. “I don’t know. You’re the one who bought them. We’re missing one by the…” Jack groaned as Ianto bopped him over the head with it. “Must you do that?”

“Yep.” Ianto laughed, pulled the bedding back and climbed onto the bed. He tucked the pillow he still held behind him. He squirmed a bit before holding the covers back on the other side of the bed and patting the exposed space next to him. “Come on.”

“Give me a minute,” Jack replied. “I want to check everything’s secured and bank the fire.” He stretched across the bed to kiss Ianto, lingering in the kiss when Ianto’s fingers sank into his hair. Jack finally broke the kiss and panted a bit before tapping Ianto on the nose. “Wait right there,” he murmured.

“Not going anywhere.” Ianto leant over and turned on the bedside sconce. He picked up his diary, opening it to where the pen held his place and smiled over at Jack. “I’ll keep the bed warm for you.” He smirked up at Jack as the other man headed for the door and flipped off the ceiling light.

“Do you want the brandy or something else?” Jack asked, leaning on the doorframe. “Since I’m headed downstairs anyway, I could…”

“The brandy’s fine, _m’gwr,_ ” Ianto answered absently.

Jack just shook his head. He’d lost Ianto for the duration of the time it took the younger man to write all his thoughts down. If it wasn’t for the fact that he knew how much Ianto needed to work out any lingering thoughts, he’d feel slighted being ignored for the diary. He headed down, deciding to bring up another glass for Ianto, and made certain the house was completely secured before returning to the bedroom.

Ianto was still engrossed in writing when Jack returned, so he took the time to bank the fire and pour their drinks before returning to the bed. Setting one glass down by Ianto, Jack circled the bed to climb into his side. By the time he settled himself against the pile of pillows, Ianto was finished and setting the diary aside in favor of the brandy. “Comfy?” Jack asked softly.

“Almost,” Ianto murmured. He slid across the bed until he could lean against Jack’s side, twisting just a bit so that he was almost lying down, yet still sitting up enough to drink the brandy without spilling it. “Now I am,” he whispered after Jack began threading his fingers through Ianto’s hair in response to the change in position. “You?”

“Perfect.” Jack smiled down at Ianto. “Just perfect.” They sat in silence for a while, just sipping at the drinks, when a thought occurred to Jack. “Do you know what’s wrong with Kate? She’s been unusually quiet lately.”

“Oh, you would ask about that mess.” Ianto tossed back the last of his brandy and handed the glass to Jack to put on the nightstand. “Kate and Owen have been trying to have a baby since just after I took in Misha. So, say three years now. Kate can’t carry a baby more than a few weeks. I’m fairly certain from the way both she and Owen have been acting that they lost another one just after Christmas.”

Jack murmured a curse in one of the many alien languages he knew. “I wonder if it has something to do with the parasite…”

“That’s what Owen thinks, but she’s determined to have a baby.” Ianto sighed softly. “It hasn’t effected the team as a whole yet, just them. Not like the situation with Tommy got to all of us, but I have a feeling it will eventually. Kate’s just…”

“Frustrated, angry, hopeful, devastated in turn.” Jack stared off into the distance for a moment, thinking, and then nodded. He tossed off his own brandy and set the empty glass aside. “Next year, when my fertile cycle hits again, maybe I could carry Kate’s baby for her. If there’s one thing aside from sex I’m good at, it’s carrying babies.”

“You’d do that?” Ianto asked, incredulous. “I mean… I thought…” He trailed off, shook his head, and then grinned. “I love you, you know that? More so for even thinking of doing that for them.” Ianto stretched up, kissed Jack softly, and settled back down again. “So, our baby this cycle then Owen and Kate’s the year after?”

“Yeah,” Jack smiled. “That’ll give them time to try, but also time for Owen to either find a specialist or learn how to do IVF himself.” Jack leant across Ianto, switching off the sole light in the room. “Not angry that I’m going to offer?”

“Not at all,” Ianto murmured. Then he yawned. “Ow! Cracked my jaw that time.” He laughed softly. “How many times did we have sex tonight? I’m exhausted.”

“We’ll talk in detail later,” Jack murmured, sliding down the bed to lie beside Ianto. He wrapped an arm around his mate’s waist and kissed the side of Ianto’s neck. Hearing the snore that told him Ianto had already crashed for the night, he whispered, “Happy New Year, _caraid_.”

**Epilogue**

Ianto looked up from the pile of papers he was sorting though at the soft knock on the door. He gave John a tired half-smile and held out an envelope to the older man. “I found this in Rhia’s things. You might want to read it.” He closed his eyes for a moment fighting back another sob. “It explains a lot.”

“Ianto?”

“Read it first,” Ianto nodded to an armchair by the bookcases that lined one wall of his study. “Please, for me, read it first…” he took a deep breath and pinned his hopes on this man. Ianto had already memorized the contents. He just hoped every word was as true as they seemed on that aging paper. “Then tell me if what’s in there is true.”

Ianto watched the Doctor, the last full-blooded Time Lord left, read the letter from his father to his mother. Occasionally, he’d mouth a word or two, letting Ianto know where he was in the letter. Interestingly enough, John would repeat the sentences that so moved Ianto when he read it himself.

_"He's our son. My son. And I want him back with us. With us and our daughter where he belongs. They will be Time Lords and you will be a grand lady honored in my father's house. And Rhi, stop worrying about my father. He's the kindest man, and he will love you as I do, especially since you bring his grandchildren."_ Ianto mouthed the words along with the Doctor, watching the tears that gathered in his grandfather’s eyes as the Time Lord reached the final sentences. _“And if I don't come back, know that it is because I'm dead. Because that is the only reason I would not come to you and our children."_

“Is what he said true?” Ianto whispered. He’d crossed the small study to kneel by the armchair waiting patiently for the other man to finish reading. “Would you have wanted us? Misha and me?”

"I don't think you could understand how much I would have wanted you. I don't think I can explain it. To us, a child of our blood is the most valuable thing we can have. After I lost everyone, I would have given everything I had, everything I could ever have, to hold the two of you." John stared intently at Ianto. "I'm not alone anymore, Ianto."

Ianto swallowed, shifting around the chair to kneel in front of it, and looked up at the other man. He let his hopes show in his eyes as he met those hazel eyes with his own. It was time to take a chance. “I still need hugs, Grandfather,” he whispered.

No sooner had the words passed his lips then he was gathered close, held tight while a kiss was pressed to his hair. For the first time in his life, Ianto felt complete. He had Jack and their children, Misha and the ones they’d have in the future, and he had a family that wanted him, for him, not what he could become in some unforeseen future. That feeling made him cry silently into John’s shoulder.

“I have plenty, Ianto,” John murmured, tightening his hold as Ianto began to cry. “I have plenty for you both.”


End file.
